It’s been a while since I came here to pen something down. At times one is lost for a topic that churns you from within, hence it takes time to come on to paper.
A caption that popped up on my Instagram screen set this thought process rolling. It said, “People need to understand that sorry is not a magic eraser”. We so often utter the word sorry without even giving it a second thought or not really meaning it. A five-letter word that lets you just go and sets you free?
In school saying sorry to the teacher for homework not done, getting caught at being chatty in class, or not paying attention. Toddlers are taught to say sorry when they have done something wrong or something that is not normal. An action or word that ought not to be said or done. Hence this comes easily when we grow up. However, the mind too has grown and it knows what to say and when. It also knows what it means and what it does not.
Sorry also precedes excuses that we as adults use every day on every platform – home, classroom, or work. Excuses, again for not doing something that is expected of us. In normal day-to-day life, it is ok to say sorry and kill the issue in order to maintain harmony. However to say sorry and keep a relationship alive never works.
Relationships are complicated and when human minds, hearts, and emotions are involved it takes the complication quotient to another level. Every relationship is unique and each relationship under the same category is unique. Hence having a generic rule across the board for a relationship is nonsensical. No wonder they say human beings may be one of the most intelligent species on earth but they are also very complicated.
A child who will not say sorry to their aging parents because of ego will realize sooner than later that the stopwatch is up and it’s the end of the story for their parents. There is no point apologizing over a dead body or when the person is in a vegetable state. No one knows if they ever hear your cries or apologetic weeps. A spouse who realized he or she has done wrong will never get back the spark in their relationship with a “sorry”. A crack on a mirror remains there forever and so does a crack on their relationship sculpture. Siblings who when rich and well do think it’s ok to look down on a sister or brother who does not match up to their financial stature, social circles, or mentality. A childhood spent together is just erased and clots and blots develop on this canvas, giving the picture a stained and damaged look. Will a sorry help here? I wonder with skepticism, having gone through it myself.
The word sorry in relationships may be a crack filler but never an eraser. Hence let us stop thinking of it as the magical fixer and use it only when it comes from the heart in a positive, well-meaning way.
Can we say sorry to the planet, having messed it up so badly, or to the tree after chopping it off, left to die gradually. Some things are not as easy as they appear to be in thought and action.
If you need a magical fixer, make changes to your thought process, actions and let the other person see the change. A sorry will not even be needed at that stage. I am guilty of using this five-letter word – childhood to this day. However, this caption does set me thinking on its depth and realize today my follies which may or may not change in this lifetime.
Sorry is not really the end of the story
Its a fixer in life’s complicated journey
Relationships break, glued up with a sorry
A crack is a crack, patchwork in a hurry
Let’s start using it with meaning from within
Along the way, it will always be a win-win
whisperingverses - Girija Menon 