Gratitude

We have all experienced a period of dissatisfaction that occurs on a regular basis.   This feeling arises from deep within at various periods of life. 

 It just differs in depth and texture.  As children, we were largely concerned with school, grades, teachers, and competition.  Teenage noticed some hints of the opposite sex in this chapter, and it progressed to the employment scenario, spouse, managing homes, promotions, finances, and so on.  It all came down to school, grades, teachers, and everything else surrounding their upbringing as a parent.  A kind of full circle in every way.

Today, where I stand, the whole circle has met at the starting point, and I should be grateful that its shape is not too off the mark, and my circle appears to be as round as it can get.   You’d imagine this is a stage of contentment, happiness, joy, relaxation, and so much more.   But, alas, we are humans, and we are always looking for that illusive mirage. Pursuing something that does not exist!

Nonetheless, I was given a dose of a bitter medicine this morning.   Dissatisfaction on my part vs. the true difficulty that many people suffer around the world.  The one link, in my condition of being unsatisfied that somehow had vanished was ‘gratitude’.

Gratitude for the blessings that have come my way from birth to wherever I am today.   The uppermost tier of this treasure box known as blessings is occupied by good health.

To transport you to the time I experienced this, you must accompany me inside a training room filled with barbells, kettlebells, weights, and other equipment used to acquire strength, tone, and, to some extent, feel fit.  After securing my preferred location, we were all set for a fifty-minute window to BURN more than calories.  A young girl with a stylish pixie hairstyle, black shorts, and a t-shirt stood diagonally ahead of me.  Like everyone else in the room, I’m ready for a good exercise.   Normally, I am not one to look at what others are doing, especially because they are always performing better than me; instead, I attempt to do my best comparing myself to my last session.

To return to her, I couldn’t help but admire her.  She was physically challenged, but not overtly obvious.  Her right hand was perhaps not fully formed, or it was an accident–I don’t know.  Reminded me of Nick Vujicic, whose tale I had read and felt inspired by his grit while being grateful for being born a physically normal human. 

She was at it, all exercises performed, superb form, and with strength that life may provide in excess when something else falls short.  This morning, I made a contrast with her expression.  Confidence, satisfaction, and determination were definitely not 100% within me.  I was mortified, and the realization hit me right in the gut.  It seemed as if a guardian angel was hovering over me, whispering two words to me in my years – ‘be grateful.’

While I may feel my arms or thighs aren’t as toned, while on some days that I’m distracted by chipped nail polish or an overdue hair colour touch , I stand here today on this block numbered 21 staring up at the sky from the window pane.   How naive and thankless can we be?  How we take things for granted and never see our cup almost always half full.

If I have a reasonably long life ahead of me, I would like thankfulness to constantly walk with me.   I also see that life has a way of knocking us down if we get self-absorbed and swerve from the core qualities where gratitude never fades. 

Lessons many on life’s book

Somewhere along the way it falls off the hook

Gratitude fades, we look for brighter shades

Life in time cascades

Until an incident gets us back on track

Realization lands , gratitude returns on the rack

Yoga / Life and beyond

A class on Tuesday mornings.  A wait-listed member (ME)  found a spot and spread her mat for yoga.   I’m sharing my Tuesday musings with you here.

With the normal format completed, it was time for Shavasana.  In more ways than one, this is my favourite.   The most challenging yet easiest.  It’s difficult if you have to go blank, but it’s simple if you have a stream of thoughts.

A little backstory for today.  A message about the death of a lady in the next block, a communication to inform everyone, most likely triggered this cascade of thoughts that burst here on my mat.   Despite the fact that I did not know her personally, the knowledge that she would not be a part of this planet anymore was something that got me thinking.

Who would choose to die? Unless you live a horrific existence, hardly many.   Many of us, like myself, are terrified of death.  My fear of death, however, has nothing to do with the world in which I live.   I am not afraid of parting with material possessions, relationships, or bonds.  As the story progresses, I’ll get to my worries.

For a few minutes, lying there like a dead body (Shavasana) is good because you know when the time is up, Sir will instruct us to stir, become conscious of our breath, turn to the right, and sit up.  It’s described as rejuvenating and meditative.   On a yoga mat, I still need to enter that contemplative state.   I’m doing my best and will succeed sooner than later.

As promised, I’ll return to my anxieties of dying.   I am afraid of the darkness and the trek that must be undertaken alone.  I’m curious if the pyre flames pain because they will burn my skin to the core, does my soul has a heart and mind even though life has ended.  If it does, it will feel, and if it feels, it will hurt.   No one knows because no one has returned to tell us the story of how what we get from the moment you were reported dead to wherever we ended up. I’m curious if there will be boarding gates and sign boards.   What are the requirements for admission to what we call hell or heaven?   Will it be our karma / deeds or the power of our bones that we have left behind on this planet?  Will the genuine and honest receive express access, or will they face the brunt of walking the straight line, as on Earth?  We’ve all had loved ones who have died and whom we missed while we were still alive.  Will we be able to see them again, hug them, and tell them about what they missed?

It’s amusing, but someone has taught us how to be decent in order to get to reach heaven after death.  It is being modified, repacked, reconstructed, and taught to children, and those children, as adults pass on these lessons further….again, adjusted to suit the times in which they live.  Nobody has authenticated it or issued us a certificate of authenticity.  A chain that will continue indefinitely.

If possible, travel alone. If you want to go on an adventure and see a new place.   However, travelling alone after death is unsettling.   Also, as they say, ‘you come alone, you go alone’ which means we have no choice.

Time heals, and the death is inevitable if you have life.   Those we thought were irreplaceable in every aspect are replaced as time passes and life moves on.

It’s time to wake up, feel my breath and shake up, and return to the real world, good or terrible.   As I rolled up my yoga mat to leave the class, my mind and thoughts lingered on the hazy grey line that separates life from death.