Am I an achiever? This are for the individual in question to decide. Why should another individual or society decide what is an achievement for me? If I feel good reaching that point in my life – it’s an achievement – period.
In Indian homes, it’s common to discuss with concern, post-marriage relationships with daughters. A mother’s intention is only so that her daughter understands relationships once she gets married. The family she would call “inlaws”. My mother used to always be concerned and think aloud – “hope my daughters get a good mother-in-law”. I used to wonder, why so much emphasis on one lady (MIL) who it seems will be a big influence in my marriage? It was only later I realized that a mother-in-law can break or make a marriage. Break because of her over-possessive tilt towards her son.
Mine was an arranged marriage and since the groom’s family, especially the “groom” wanted a family affair we had a small ceremony at home At the end of the fifteen-minute ceremony we were “married”. I met my MIL on the day I got married. She trusted her son’s choice wholeheartedly. She had seen a tough life and brought up four kids almost single-handedly, because her husband was serving in the Airforce, therefore her outlook on life was not the stereotype. I was lucky! She was a MIL who believed in a live and let live policy. She took care of her life and let me live mine. Be it the house, our marriage, bringing up my son, clothes I wore, or the drink I enjoyed once in a while. She and my FIL would be happy to join in and click glasses occasionally. Hence, I never had a problem that comes with this new (in-laws) relationship.
Fast forward to 2017, I was now married 29 years and my next milestone occurred in the year 2017. I became a mother-in-law. Now it was my turn to break that stereotype and break that myth about MILs. As they say, the cycle of life is circular – I trusted my son’s choice and it was now my duty to ensure they have a good life together. Learn together how to nurture their relationship and take it forward step by step. It was not my business to interfere – Live and let live the policy is the legacy I carry forward. It is obvious, that I cannot become her mother overnight, but I can start by becoming a friend and as we both understand each other better, I hope to become a person she can rely on unconditionally.
I, having given birth to this son and by that virtue, he will always be my son and me his mother. Why should a mother feel insecure if her son brings home a partner? She who will love him as much or more, give birth to their kids, nurture his life and help build a home filled with love, affection, and care. Every mother ought to be thankful for her coming into the family and binding it further. Mothers hand over the baton so that they can take forward the family legacy. It’s so much like a relay race where the first runner completes a leg, and hands over that baton to the next runner -this format goes on. The winner in this race is the team, not an individual. Every runner who hands over the baton stands on the side to cheer and encourage those running the race.
I consider myself an “achiever” like many in my generation who want to break myths and stereotypes that revolve around mothers-in-law. A daughter comes into this family to spread happiness and branch out to create her own little vibrant thriving abode. We, as elders, ought to give a helping hand and allow them to pick the straws of their choice to build their nest. Once instituted the legacy of positivity, support, non-judgemental surroundings, and unconditional love only goes round and round. A circle of life that grows bigger and better creating a better life for all, bringing peace and harmony in more ways than one!
Relationships are like mighty ships
Every hand needed, as it rises and dips
Ropes in place wind to gauge
A team that stays on the same page
Destination new and vibrant on the horizon
This team – A FAMILY, witnesses every shade of the sun!
whisperingverses - Girija Menon 